100+ Good Comebacks, Roasts & One-Liners [2024]

Last Updated : 23 Mar, 2024

In a world full of laughs and clever words, knowing how to make a great comeback, tell a funny roast, or say a quick joke is really useful. This list of the best comebacks, roasts, and jokes for 2024 is here to help you. Whether you want to make your conversations more fun, have a good reply ready, or just make people laugh, you’ll find something here.

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With a mix of clever comebacks, hilarious roasts, and quick jokes, you’ll never run out of things to say. Whether you’re hanging out with friends, at a party, or just having a casual conversation, these lines will help you lighten the mood and show off your sense of humor. So get ready to impress everyone with your witty and entertaining words that are sure to make any moment more enjoyable.

Top Comebacks [Funny]

Here are some good comebacks designed to be witty and light-hearted. Remember, the best comebacks are those that bring a smile rather than hurt feelings:

“I’d love to stay and chat, but I’d rather have root canal surgery.”
“Your opinion is very important to me. Please hold.”
“I’m visualizing duck tape over your mouth.”
“Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.”
“I’ve been called worse by better.”
“I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you.”
“Sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?”
“I believe in respect for the dead; in your case, silence.”
“I’m not a proctologist, but I know an asshole when I see one.”
“Beauty is skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.”
“If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.”
“I’d slap you, but that would be animal abuse.”
“I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”
“I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”
“I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.”
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; you whenever you go.”
“I’m busy right now, can I ignore you another time?”
“You are proof that evolution can go in reverse.”
“Brains aren’t everything. In fact, in your case, they’re nothing.”
“I’d explain it to you, but I left my English-to-Dumbass Dictionary at home.”
“I’m not saying you’re fat, but it looks like you were poured into your clothes and someone forgot to say ‘when’.”
“You’re so fake, Barbie is jealous.”
“You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck when thinking.”
“Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot but not for me to point it out?”
“You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.”
“I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.”
“If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth.”
“Shock me, say something intelligent.”
“I don’t hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.”
“You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
“I would ask how old you are, but I know you can’t count that high.”
“Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parent’s job.”
“Life is full of disappointments, and I just added you to the list.”

Top Roasts to Make People Laugh

Here are 35 funny roasts meant to be fun and make people laugh. Keep in mind, roasting is all about having a good time and not hurting anyone’s feelings, so make sure to use them when everyone’s in the mood for a joke:

“You’re not the dumbest person in the world, but you better hope they don’t die.”
“You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.”
“If I wanted to kill myself, I’d climb your ego and jump to your IQ.”
“You look like something I’d draw with my left hand.”
“I’d say you’re ‘one in a million,’ but that means there are 7,800 people just like you.”
“You’re not as bad as people say. You’re much, much worse.”
“You’re like a software update. When I see you, I think ‘Not now.'”
“Some people bring joy wherever they go; you bring joy whenever you go.”
“You’re proof that god has a sense of humor.”
“I’d explain it to you, but your brain would explode.”
“You’re like the first piece of bread; everyone touches you, but nobody wants you.”
“You’re like Monday mornings, nobody likes you.”
“You’re the reason they put instructions on shampoo.”
“You’re not pretty enough to have such an ugly personality.”
“You’re like a slinky, not really good for much but bring a smile when pushed down the stairs.”
“Mirrors can’t talk. Lucky for you, they can’t laugh either.”
“I’d give you a nasty look but you’ve already got one.”
“It’s impossible to underestimate you.”
“Keep talking; someday you’ll say something intelligent.”
“You’re the human equivalent of a participation award.”
“You have the perfect face for radio.”
“I’d insult you, but nature did a better job.”
“You’re so annoying, even autocorrect ignores you.”
“You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
“If you were any more inbred, you’d be a sandwich.”
“You’re as useful as the ‘ueue’ in ‘queue’.”
“Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick.”
“You’re the reason I prefer animals to people.”
“You’re like a tornado; you destroy everything you touch.”
“You’re about as important as a white crayon.”
“You’re like a glow stick. I want to snap you and shake the sense into you.”
“You have an entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?”
“You’re so irrelevant, you could be the ‘Terms and Conditions’ and no one would notice.”
“If laziness was a competition, you’d come in second because you’d be too lazy to compete.”
“You’re the reason we have warning labels on everything.”

Top One-Liners

Here are 35 one-liners that are meant to make you smile or laugh. The best thing about one-liners are that, it’s quick and gets straight to the point:

“You’re not the dumbest person in the world, but you better hope they don’t die.”
“You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.”
“If I wanted to kill myself, I’d climb your ego and jump to your IQ.”
“You look like something I’d draw with my left hand.”
“I’d say you’re ‘one in a million,’ but that means there are 7,800 people just like you.”
“You’re not as bad as people say. You’re much, much worse.”
“You’re like a software update. When I see you, I think ‘Not now.'”
“Some people bring joy wherever they go; you bring joy whenever you go.”
“You’re proof that god has a sense of humor.”
“I’d explain it to you, but your brain would explode.”
“You’re like the first piece of bread; everyone touches you, but nobody wants you.”
“You’re like Monday mornings, nobody likes you.”
“You’re the reason they put instructions on shampoo.”
“You’re not pretty enough to have such an ugly personality.”
“You’re like a slinky, not really good for much but bring a smile when pushed down the stairs.”
“Mirrors can’t talk. Lucky for you, they can’t laugh either.”
“I’d give you a nasty look but you’ve already got one.”
“It’s impossible to underestimate you.”
“Keep talking; someday you’ll say something intelligent.”
“You’re the human equivalent of a participation award.”
“You have the perfect face for radio.”
“I’d insult you, but nature did a better job.”
“You’re so annoying, even autocorrect ignores you.”
“You’re like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.”
“If you were any more inbred, you’d be a sandwich.”
“You’re as useful as the ‘ueue’ in ‘queue’.”
“Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick.”
“You’re the reason I prefer animals to people.”
“You’re like a tornado; you destroy everything you touch.”
“You’re about as important as a white crayon.”
“You’re like a glow stick. I want to snap you and shake the sense into you.”
“You have an entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?”
“You’re so irrelevant, you could be the ‘Terms and Conditions’ and no one would notice.”
“If laziness was a competition, you’d come in second because you’d be too lazy to compete.”
“You’re the reason we have warning labels on everything.”

This big list of comebacks, roasts, and one-liners is perfect for adding fun to your conversations and making sure you’re never lost for words. Whether you’re joking with friends, trying to lighten the mood, or just want to have a quick laugh, these lines have got you covered.

Remember, the aim is to entertain and enjoy, not to upset anyone. So, go ahead, spread some smiles and enjoy the laughs that come with these witty words!