5 Stages of Grief: Losing someone or something important is like a journey, and it comes with different feelings and challenges. Imagine it as a map with seven stages, each stage showing a part of the journey through sadness.
In this article, we will take a look at the History of The 5 Stages of Grief, learn about the concept of The 7 Stages of Grief, and also go through some examples of different grief situations.
Let’s delve right into it!
Overview of 5 Stages of Grief
| Stage |
Description |
| Denial |
The initial stage is where individuals refuse to accept the reality of the loss. |
| Anger |
The second stage is where individuals express frustration and resentment. |
| Bargaining |
The third stage is where individuals seek to negotiate or make deals to avoid loss. |
| Depression |
The fourth stage is characterized by overwhelming sadness and withdrawal. |
| Acceptance |
The final stage is where individuals come to terms with the loss and find peace. |
5 Stages of Grief – History
- In 1969, a Swiss-American psychiatrist named Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced a model in her book “On Death and Dying.” She got the idea from her experiences working with people who were very sick and nearing the end of their lives. Elisabeth noticed that medical schools didn’t teach much about death, so she decided to study it at the University of Chicago’s medical school.
- Her project turned into seminars where she talked about her findings, based on interviews with patients and existing research. All of this information became the basis for her book.
- In her book, Kübler-Ross talked about how the progress in medicine during her time changed how people think about and go through death. She mentioned that paediatricians, doctors who treat children, now deal with fewer life-threatening illnesses compared to a hundred years ago.
- Later on, Kübler-Ross realized that the stages she described – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – don’t always happen in a straight line. She felt sorry for making it sound like a strict order.
The 5 Stages of Grief
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
The 5 Stages of Grief – Denial
Grief is a really strong feeling, and it’s normal to react to it by pretending that the loss or big change isn’t really happening. This denial gives you a bit of time to slowly take in the news and start dealing with it. It’s like a way of protecting yourself from the strong emotions.
But as you start moving past the denial stage, all those emotions you’ve been hiding will start coming up. You’ll have to face a lot of sadness that you might have been avoiding. It’s a tough part of the grief journey, but it’s also a necessary step in healing.
Examples of the Denial Stage:
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Breakup or divorce:
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“They’re just upset. This will be over tomorrow.”
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Job loss:
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“They were mistaken. They’ll call tomorrow to say they need me.”
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Death of a loved one:
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“She’s not gone. She’ll come around the corner any second.”
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Terminal illness diagnosis:
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“This isn’t happening to me. The results are wrong.”
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The 5 Stages of Grief – Anger
When you’re in the anger stage of grief, it’s like using anger as a cover-up. This emotion is masking a lot of other feelings and pain that you’re carrying inside.
You might find yourself getting angry at different things or even people – like the person who passed away, your ex, or maybe someone from your past job. Sometimes, this anger might even be directed at things that aren’t alive, like objects. Even though your logical mind knows these things aren’t to blame, your intense feelings in that moment might not match up with what you know.
This anger might not always be super obvious rage; it could show up as bitterness or resentment. It’s okay if not everyone goes through this stage, or if some people stay in it longer. As the anger starts to fade away, you might begin to think more clearly about what’s going on and finally let yourself feel the emotions you’ve been pushing aside.
Examples of the Anger Stage:
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Breakup or divorce:
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“I hate him! He’ll regret leaving me!”
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Job loss:
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“They’re terrible bosses. I hope they fail.”
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Death of a loved one:
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“If she cared for herself more, this wouldn’t have happened.”
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Terminal illness diagnosis:
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“Where is God in this? How dare God let this happen!”
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The 5 Stages of Grief – Bargaining
When you’re going through grief, there are times when you might feel really vulnerable and like you can’t do much about the situation. In these moments of intense emotions, it’s pretty normal to try to find ways to take control or to feel like you can somehow change what’s happening. This is where the bargaining stage of grief comes in.
During this stage, you might catch yourself making a lot of “what if” and “if only” statements. Some people, especially those who are religious, might even try to make a deal or promise to God or a higher power in the hope of getting relief from the grief and pain.
Bargaining acts like a kind of defense mechanism against the tough emotions that come with grief. It lets you put off feeling the sadness, confusion, or hurt for a little while. It’s a way of trying to make sense of things when they feel overwhelming.
Examples of the Bargaining Stage:
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Breakup or divorce:
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“If only I had spent more time with her, she would have stayed.”
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Job loss:
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“If only I worked more weekends, they would have seen how valuable I am.”
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Death of a loved one:
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“If only I had called her that night, she wouldn’t be gone.”
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Terminal illness diagnosis:
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“If only we had gone to the doctor sooner, we could have stopped this.”
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The 5 Stages of Grief – Depression
While anger and bargaining in grief may feel very active, the depression stage tends to be quieter. You may be fighting your feelings in the early going, practically attempting to run away from them, when you lose someone or something significant. However, at this stage, you could discover a healthy approach to accept and handle those emotions. To properly process the loss, you may need to separate yourself from other people at times.
However, it’s important to note that depression during grief is not easy or neatly defined. Like the other stages, it can be tough and messy. It might feel like a heavy fog, making you confused and overwhelmed.
Even though it might seem like depression is a natural part of grieving, if you feel stuck or can’t seem to move past this stage, it’s okay to seek help. Talking to a mental health expert, like a therapist, can assist you in working through this challenging period of coping.
Examples of the Depression Stage:
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Breakup or divorce:
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“Why go on at all?”
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Job loss:
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“I don’t know how to go forward from here.”
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Death of a loved one:
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“What am I without her?”
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Terminal illness diagnosis:
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“My whole life comes to this terrible end.”
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The 5 Stages of Grief – Acceptance
Acceptance in the grief process doesn’t always bring immediate happiness or upliftment. It doesn’t imply that you’ve completely moved on from the grief or loss. Instead, it signifies that you’ve acknowledged and understood the changes it has brought into your life.
During this stage, you might notice that you feel quite different, and that’s completely normal. Going through a major change in your life can reshape the way you perceive many things.
Think of acceptance as a lens through which you can see that there might be more good days than bad ones ahead. It’s not about eliminating the tough moments; there might still be difficult times, and that’s perfectly okay. Acceptance is more about finding a way to navigate and coexist with the changes in your life.
Examples of the Greif Stage:
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Breakup or divorce:
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“Ultimately, this was a healthy choice for me.”
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Job loss:
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“I’ll be able to find a way forward from here and can start a new path.”
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Death of a loved one:
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“I am so fortunate to have had so many wonderful years with him, and he will always be in my memories.”
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Terminal illness diagnosis:
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“I have the opportunity to tie things up and make sure I get to do what I want in these final weeks and months.”
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The 7 Stages of Grief
The seven stages of grief offer a way to understand the complex emotions that come with loss. These stages are like different chapters in the journey of dealing with a significant loss:
- Shock and denial: Feeling disbelief and numbed emotions, like it’s hard to accept what has happened.
- Pain and guilt: Experiencing the weight of the loss and possibly feeling that your grief makes life difficult for others.
- Anger and bargaining: Lashing out or trying to make deals with a higher power to ease the pain and emotions.
- Depression: Going through a period of loneliness and isolation as you process the loss.
- The upward turn: The intense emotions, like anger and pain, start to calm down, leaving you in a more relaxed state.
- Reconstruction and working through: Beginning to piece your life back together and move forward.
- Acceptance and hope: Gradually accepting the new reality and feeling a sense of possibility for the future. It’s not about forgetting the loss but finding a way to live with it.
Using a breakup or divorce as an example, the stages of grief might unfold like this:
- Shock and denial: “I can’t believe she’d leave me. Maybe she’ll realize it’s a mistake and come back soon.”
- Pain and guilt: “Why would she do this to me? Am I to blame for this? What did I do wrong?”
- Anger and bargaining: “I’d do anything to get her back. I’ll be a better partner, fulfill all her wishes, and make things right.”
- Depression: “I’ll never find love again. I’m destined to fail in every relationship.”
- The upward turn: “The breakup was tough, but maybe there’s a chance for me to consider another relationship in the future.”
- Reconstruction and working through: “I need to reflect on that relationship, understand my mistakes, and learn from them.”
- Acceptance and hope: “I have a lot to offer in a relationship. I just need to meet the right person when the time is right.”
Conclusion
In our journey through tough times, everyone’s experience is like a unique story. The stages might feel different for each person, and that’s okay. We should respect and understand that everyone copes in their own way. As we reach the end of the stages and find acceptance and hope, it’s not about forgetting but realizing the strong feelings we share as human beings. Grief teaches us about our shared strength during tough times.
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FAQs on 5 Stages of Grief
Are there 5 or 7 stages of grief?
Depending on the description you choose. The seven phases are designed to better handle the complexities of grieving. They break down the stages of healing into three sections and incorporate remorse as a second step.
What is the hardest stage of grief to go through?
No particular stage is often regarded as the most difficult to go through. Bereavement is a highly personal experience. The most difficult phase of mourning differs from person to person and even from circumstance to circumstance.
What are the 5 stages of grief?
The 5 stages of grief, in order, are:
- denial
- anger
- bargaining
- depression
- acceptance
What are the 7 steps of grief?
The 7 stages are:
- shock and denial
- pain and guilt
- anger and bargaining
- depression
- the upward turn
- reconstruction and working through
- acceptance and hope
How long do stages of grief last?
This varies widely between individuals and depends on many factors.
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